People can easily pick up on a person with low confidence. For example: a person notices when someone hasn’t taken time to consider their choice of clothes, and when they look scruffy or have poor personal hygiene. A low confidence person looks worn down and doesn’t have that air of “cool” about them. Low confidence people don’t have that sense of pride that confident people have; they lose touch with caring about their general appearance and demeanour.
A person lacking confidence will try and hide their low self-esteem, to shy away and go unnoticed, but in doing so they are actually drawing attention to themselves. Their awkwardness gives them away and is easily spotted. They will walk with their head down and rarely make eye contact. They will definitely not initiate conversation, and will probably try to avoid it at all costs. Without realizing it, he shows the world how unconfident they are, and unbeknown to them this becomes their identity.
So why would one act this way?
Being afraid of looking foolish or letting themselves down in front of other people. They want to hide away from people. They don’t want to be seen or heard, for fear of being judged and criticized. They are afraid of being made fun of, not knowing what to say in a challenging situation, and not meeting the expectations of others. Basically, they are afraid to embrace their true self.
A high confidence person isn’t afraid to look foolish, as if they do end up doing something embarrassing, they brush it off as a ‘moment’. They’ll take that risk, because they know ultimately if you play it too safe, you’re stifling yourself. A low confidence person will take any example where they have looked foolish, and beat themselves up about it, time and time again.
So what caused this low confidence?
The environment in which you were raised is huge. If you were constantly in a negative environment among negative people, this would have rubbed off on you – chipping away at your ability to interact with positive people. Eventually you would buy into the negative outlook and your confidence would be affected.
Past experiences of failure also massively affect confidence. You’ve heard the saying that an event can either make or break someone, and it’s very true with negative experiences for low confidence people. They agonizingly replay the failure in their mind until they feel powerless.
Turning it around
The only way a person can turn feelings of low confidence around is to recognize the downward spiral they are in and start to make their own decisions. One must become a leader, not a passive follower and must start believing in themselves rather than waiting for someone else to believe in them. They must understand that the past is not the future, and realize that they can help to shape and determine their future by taking action in the now.
Recognize that the past no longer exists. Know that what you believed to be true of the past depends entirely on you and, and only you, can choose whether or not you let it dictate your future. Choose not to rehash bad experiences in your head, letting them control your life in the present.
Examine your environment
Perhaps you are surrounded by a group of people who also have low confidence and self-esteem and it has influenced you to the point where it has become your default behavior.
Being around such groups of people will make you unhappy, and eventually depressed and unable to thrive within everyday society. You need to be careful about what environment you choose to put yourself in, because it plays a massive role in how you feel and how others perceive you.
A confident person sets a standard for themselves according to their expectations and goals, which they derives from the type of world they want to live in. They create those standards and will stand up and battle for themselves and their beliefs. They will walk away from situations that do not appear in his best interests and present themselves confidently in situations that do.
Remember that an unconfident person is likely to stay in a bad situation because they think they don’t deserve any better. They become passive, lazy and think that this is just how life is.
Are Friends & Family Holding You Back?
Maybe so, but maybe not. Certainly if the people you spend a lot of time with are low on confidence and self-esteem, you are going to be influenced by their behaviours. We have a tendency to take the easy pathway, to go along with the status quo because it appears to be the path of least resistance.
They key making a major change to your life, is recognising that you’re in a pattern that you need to break. If the points made above sound familiar and are ringing bells for you, know that just making a small change can have a snowball effect – and momentum is powerful once you see things start happening.